Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Dec. 29, 2009

For Christmas this year I received a couple writing books. One of the first suggestions is to write about a childhood memory. And I have decided it wouldn't hurt to share my earliest and possibly funniest moment with you.
I must have been between 2 1/2 and 3 years old. We lived in a tiny 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath house. It was dark outside so I am assuming it was around bedtime. I remember my mother was changing my sister's diaper on the bathroom counter upstairs, and I desperately wanted to help. Next to my baby sister was a HUGE container of Vaseline. (You get 1 second to guess what happened next.) And lets face it, everything seems big to a 3 year old. I'm pretty sure I was told not to touch the container and I know I didn't listen. I don't remember grabbing the tub, and I know I did because the next thing I remember was being in the kitchen downstairs smearing the greasy sticky stuff everywhere my little hands could reach. This includes and was not limited to the following. The floor, cupboards, knobs, chairs, refrigerator, kitchen table, utensils in drawers, and myself. For some reason I kept the mess in the kitchen and that probably saved me some serious "nose in the corner" time. At some point I realized I was going to be in trouble because I started crying possibly howling. My mother walked in to find the me and the mess I had miraculously created. Now, I don't remember if there was spanking involved or not and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened. I only remember that I was never allowed access to the Vaseline while it was in the house again.

I hope you enjoyed the quick story. Happy New Year!

Monday, December 21, 2009

12/21/09

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I haven't posted anything because I've been feeling better and stronger and I'm out in the world volunteering. It's an amazing healer to help others and not focus on oneself.

Today I ran across an article entitled
Cancer Lesson's: What we wished we'd known http://www.care2.com/greenliving/cancer-lessons-what-we-wish-wed-known.html?&page=3
(I'm only going to type out the bullet points and add a response from my perspective)

1. Doctor's forget to share the gory details. I have the highest amount of respect for oncologists. These highly educated people deal with cancer and treatments all day long everyday. Meaning they are doing their best to heal us. I shouldn't have been surprised to learn (towards the end of my radiation) that my radiation treatments were going to give me a burn that could, however unlikely, cause me skin cancer. Or that, and this is gross, pooping after 5 days of no pooping is very unpleasant.

2. Insurance can cause more stress than cancer. NO S#!@. And it's not just your medical insurance. It's the long-term disability and social security paperwork and phone calls each individual must deal with. Because there is no central agency to outline the process of who needs what and why it's important. I still get a bit panicky when someone from insurance calls because they are either calling to say they aren't going to pay (because someone billed it wrong) and then it becomes your own responsibility to get it corrected. OR they are calling because they want to see if you might be able to work and they can stop paying benefits out. Oh the stories I can share and probably already have.

3. Not all blood & chemo technicians are created equal. It is the person who keeps trying to find your vein thus creating a bruise for people to see over then next few days that always helps me to appreciate the good ones. Next time you have your blood drawn or receive an IV and the job gets done in one poke, please make sure to thank that technician.

4. Nurses know, and anticipate, what you need. Amen sister!

5. Cancer is different in younger patients than in older ones. It doesn't seem fair that children are diagnosed with cancer. They haven't had their chance to experience life.

6. Hospice is not just for the dying. I didn't know this. I do wish I had known Meals on Wheels wasn't just for the elderly. It would have been a huge help back during treatments.

7. Eat your broccoli and kale and other greens. Sounds good. But how much more do I have to eat?

8. Cancer can be a punch line. Humor makes everything so much easier to deal with. I named mine "Fred".

I'm off to figure out why my latest MRI wasn't covered by insurance. Wish me patience and luck. Reference bullet no. 2.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

11/17/09

About a year and a half ago I started taking walks around the block with Cora. Around that time I noticed that there were a set of car keys hanging on one of our stop signs. It isn't obvious that they're there and I'm sure most neighbors have never seen them. Today I walked past that same stop sign and the keys are still there. I'm curious if they've been forgotten or if there is another reason they just hang out 24/7. If I took those keys would someone put up a sign that says "Lost Keys, Please return to Stop Sign"? Regardless, I'm clearly not interested enough to knock on doors to find out because at this point does it really matter?

Monday, November 2, 2009

Nov. 11 2009

I received my MRI results Thursday last week. I am happy to report that "Fred" was no where to be seen. My next MRI is scheduled for Jan 2010. I think I have this c stuff licked.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

10/17/09

I went to the gym today and I ran into Kathy. She is a warm and friendly personality who has also had cancer, and we met when I helped her with her YMCA membership. I was a bit overcome with surprise when she hugged me and gave me a kiss and also held my hand to the locker room. I've spent maybe 20 minutes with Kathy.... TOTAL. This includes the tour of the YMCA a quick sales pitch and then checking her in 4 times. This sounds like an incredibly insensitive reaction towards someone. Is it wrong to not want to hug & kiss someone I hardly know? I've got friends that I've never hugged or kissed.

Derek and I came back from our Colorado vacation on Thursday. It was a lot of fun. We visited friends, took tours in Mesa Verde, hiked up to Hanging Lake, saw Doc Holiday's memorial, sat in the hot springs, went to the Garden of the Gods, and took a cave tour. We did stay at 3 different hotels and 1 of them gave us a free upgrade to a suite. If I had to pick my favorites I would have to select seeing friends, Mesa Verde, and the Hanging Lake. It took more energy than I was expecting to ride in a car and be alert during the daylight hours. Thankfully we were on vacation and it was o.k. to take naps in the middle of the day.

I continue to feel good. My next MRI comes up October 22nd and I find out the results October 27th. Scheduling conflict, go figure.

Monday, September 21, 2009

9/21/09

Recently I received a couple phone calls from 2 old customers. I've known "V" for 10 years and haven't worked with him in over 6 years. I've know "S" slightly longer and haven't worked with her in over 7. It was confusing for me. On one hand it feels good knowing I made enough of an impression that my former customers want to check in on me. On the other hand I'm not always sure what to talk about. I ask how work is going and then quickly move onto other topics. This requires me to dig into my memory and pull out the non-work items. It turns out I remember quite a bit. Enough for a couple laughs and family/hobby updates. I've got skills. :-)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

9/1/09

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head? Yesterday I woke up to "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge Bob Square Pants!" It started sticking when I was looking for a birthday gift for my nephew. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he will enjoy it. Derek thought we should have run to the grocery and made a Sponge Bob. I'm not against making gifts I just don't think my interpretation of Sponge Bob would be enjoyed as much as the purchased piece of plastic. Maybe when he's older.
Today I'm at the library working on my resume and looking up companies that I may like to work for. My exciting adventure to find a job has moved into the serious phase. Other than the fact that I'm not having luck with internet connections at home, the bonus is that I'm not at home trying to get a connection to the internet. The positive is that I'm making progress. Correcting my resume, jogging, hiking, library time, and volunteering, it will all add up to something fantastic in the end.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

8.26.09

When I was diagnosed last year with my tumor I tried my best to keep the information from my former co-workers, vendors, and customers. When Senator Kennedy's cancer was announced a few weeks later I knew the cat was out of the bag. He had no idea who I was and yet the national coverage directly impacted me. At first I was mad because of the news coverage and then he became an inspiration. He seemed to handle his ordeal so well. He went to work, attended President Obama's inauguration, and pushed for health care reform. I have no idea where he got his energy. Of course we had different types of tumors and likely different stages. It's the luck of the draw (or genetics). Today I chose to honor his memory by reaching out to people I haven't heard from in awhile.
I'm bummed that he's gone. I keep thinking that if I managed to survive this long he should have been able to make it as well. It's crap. I'm not happy about this at all.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

8/18/09

It took me 1 hour 45 minutes to complete my Sanitas hike this morning. A personal best. I attribute this to cooler weather and my ipod. My guess is when the weather gets warmer my time will increase as well.

Monday, August 17, 2009

8/17/09

It's interesting to me that something out of the blue will trigger my childhood memories. Today I wrote a reply to a friend in Spain and used the word "Awesome". Now, I think this is a funny story, you may not.
When I was in third grade (age 8) I didn't know what the words "totally" or "awesome" meant. And apparently no one else in my class did either. We knew that people were conversing with them and we felt compelled to use the words too. So I decided at recess one day that we would use "totally" and "awesome" as code. We must have been playing some form of tag because "totally" meant to run away from the tree and "awesome" meant regroup at the tree. The game only lasted 10 minutes, but the use of the words (per my new definitions) caught on. Oh to be young again.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

08/11/09

I hiked up Sanitas again this morning. During my quiet time I thought of a million funny things to share in my blog and then POOF! They were gone after I finished. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what in the heck I was thinking about. The hike was fabulous. I made a new friend who I think will go hiking with me again on Tuesdays. And I think she takes the mountain at the same pace as me. (Big Smiles) Afterwards I completed a few errands came home and ate lunch. Then I proceeded to polish off the remaining mint chocolate ice-cream. MmHm Yes. I did. No clue what came over me. And I won't do that again. It was a poor choice and I'm not feeling well.

I have been struggling with my resume lately. I'm open for suggestions about how to get over the hump. It's been frustrating looking at the information knowing it's all there and then realizing that it doesn't read very well. The positive is that I see room to improve and I know I can make it better. Besides that is what drafts are for, right?

Life is good.

Monday, August 10, 2009

08/10/09

While at the dentist this morning I realized I've been "Fred Free" for a year and a half. It is amazing. And I continue to feel good. I know my time at home is coming to an end. I need to get myself organized to join the workforce again. My new mantra is I CAN and I WILL. Now to get the "FRED FREE" BBQ scheduled to celebrate.

Topic Change
Peanut (my cat) has started grooming my hair while I try to nap. I don't understand it. In the words of Forrest Gump "that's all I have to say about that".

Sunday, August 2, 2009

8/2/09

Oh My Gosh! It's August already. The older I get the faster it goes. July allowed me to celebrate another birthday. I didn't think birthdays would be a relief but Wow they are. Getting older has benefits, like more time to enjoy the weather and playing outside. I could come up with more examples but won't since I'm sure most people know exactly what I would say. As Derek already knows I tend to repeat myself.

In an effort to keep busy I've been hiking, cleaning, and volunteering. Cora tagged along on the hike this morning. Other than Derek carrying her up 2 tough spots she did an amazing job. It was something I had thought would never happen again. Positive things continue to happen. My health seems to continue to improve. I'm sleeping fewer hours at night, napping less, and spending more time out of the house. Woo Whoo!

Derek has finished more of our bathroom. I'm sorry if my gushing over Derek's skills comes off as bragging. I don't mean for it to sound that way. He's just so darn amazing. The big news is that I can now wash my face and brush my teeth in this new room. Yay! And Derek is now blogging about his bathroom renovation. If you read it don't be confused. The bathroom is almost finished and the blog is starting over from the beginning. You too will know every detail of our process.

Friday, July 24, 2009

7-24-09

Last night I decided I would hike Sanitas this morning. I woke up, put on my hiking clothes, packed the camelback, and slathered on the spf 15. I haven't hiked Sanitas for at least 3 years. Holy Cow! I am sooo out of shape. The hike kicked my rear end. Two and a half hours later with tons of sweat dripping off my elbows I finished the hike. Now I could have sworn that the last time I hiked the trail I finished in just over an hour. All things considered I did a fantastic job and I'm proud of myself for not giving up. I've boosted my confidence.

Never give up, never surrender. - a line by Tim Allen in Galaxy Quest

Thursday, July 23, 2009

7-23-09

I was at Meals on Wheels this morning and after my shift I asked if the kitchen needed any extra hands. They said no. It was the first time they didn't need me. I was bummed out. As I continue to reflect on this I realize that I want to work for a company or organization that has pressure to get the job done in a short time frame. For some reason I like a little pressure. It makes me feel like I've gotten a lot done when it's completed. Better yet! I wake up each Thursday morning excited knowing I'll be at Meals on Wheels for a couple hours.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

7-22-09

I went to my MRI and follow-up doctor appointment. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I scheduled the MRI for 7:30 in the morning. I must have forgotten that patients are always asked to show up 30 minutes prior to the procedure. Yes, I was at the hospital in Denver on time. I deserve a star for the effort.
When I saw Dr. Damek we went through our usual conversations and tests. One item I found interesting was our discussion about being American and not taking vacations or time off during the day for doctor visits. I don't know why that caught my attention, unless I realized I was that girl who never went to the doctor. We also discussed my MRI results which came back good. Minus the surgery and the thumb print left from radiation, you would never know I had been sick. I'm still taking naps everyday meaning I will need more time to recover. This is frustrating of course since it will stop me from finding a job in the short term. Or maybe I'll get lucky and find a company founded by people from Spain who believe in naps during the middle of the day. It could happen, right?
I continue to reflect on all of the things I'm grateful for. Hot showers, clean sheets, clean clothes, needing haircuts :-) , friends, birthdays, animals, farms (not the funny farm Ralph), being allowed to drive, and the word "YAHOO".

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

6/24/09

It seems all of my angst with MetLife recently will be for not. Today after a very early appointment with my doctor, I came home and started matching up what MetLife thinks they paid me to what they actually paid me. One huge problem solved. Internet banking is a godsend. I'm just waiting for them to call me back and I can close the book on an exhaustive situation.

My appointment went well with Dr. Damek. The blood draw, months of the year backwards, and walking all came back A-O.K. I will need to continue to take a pill to boost my immune system. My protein came back at the very low end of normal again and my next MRI is June 22nd.

I realized I had no prescriptions to fill today. Which equals a couple more bucks back in the Stanley household budget. Fewer miles to drive and a couple extra days this week with more energy. All are cause for celebration.

I continue to enjoy my volunteer time with Meals on Wheels and the YMCA. Both are still letting me show up and help out. Whew! Lets face it; Every girl needs a purpose and other than the Today show in the morning the rest of day-time television stinks.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

6/18/09

Random Thoughts by Jen Stanley

I would like to know how it is possible for a bird to poop on the front bumper of my car. It's so low to the ground there would have to be other evidence on the hood or some crazy form of physics performed. One of life's little mystery's.

I went to the pharmacy today and found out that "My Guy" Daniel has moved to AZ. Bummer. He was fantastic and will be missed.

The cherries are starting to turn red on our tree out back. Should I put the nets up and make cherry pie or let the birds and squirrels make another mess this year? I'm leaning toward letting the birds and squirrels having them. It would provide more entertainment for me to watch Cora and Peanut chase them.

I'm beginning to think the water drinking thing is a myth. (Not to worry I do know better). I had my blood drawn yesterday in 1 poke. And I was very behind on my H2O intake.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

6/16/09

Let's call this blog Customer Service.

A person really doesn't know excellent customer service until after they have a really bad experience. We've all had them. The guy behind the counter who communicates poorly, the sales person who comes on a little to strong, the insurance agent who clearly doesn't understand your question. I'll admit I've probably been wrong in a couple instances and have always apologized and taken responsibility immediately. However, this doesn't seem to be a reciprocal type of action based on some of my experiences.

I can not tolerate a service representative insulting my intelligence or my honesty. For example I was at a pharmacy looking to fix a prescription charge. (Not Walgreens). The pharmacist had told me previously that I could pay for the scrip in full and then bring back the receipt and get my money minus the co-pay. When I brought back the receipt the same pharmacist told me I was wrong and he couldn't do anything to help me and here is the kicker... He told me "I'm not saying your lying"... at which point I turned around and walked away. I may misunderstand some things but I don't make things up when it comes to money.

I had another experience when a customer service rep told me to "do the math". This time I lost it. As I am not an uneducated, barefooted, hillbilly, I told him not to insult my intelligence. I would have gone further expect it didn't seem wright to attack him for being an obtuse idiot.

Who is training these people? Did they grow up under a rock? If they hate their jobs there are other options. Actually I don't care what their problems are. Their job, while on the clock, is to take care of the customer. What bothers me the most is that I have lost quality time out of my life being upset with these yahoo's. It is sooooo not worth it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

6/12/09

I was cleaning the table today and found an old bookmark.

A Thanksgiving Prayer

When I have food, help me to remember the hungry;
When I have work, help me to remember the jobless;
When I have a warm home, help me to remember the homeless;
When I am without pain, help me to remember those who suffer;
And remembering, help me to destroy my complacency and stir my compassion.
Make me concerned enough to help, by work and deed, those who cry out for what we take for granted.

by Samuel F. Pugh

I'm getting stronger every day. For example today I volunteered for 4.5 hours, went for a short bike ride and then went for a short swim. I'm still awake and I feel really good. I'm betting I'll sleep really well tonight.

Monday, June 1, 2009

06/01/09 I made it!

I made it through treatment. One year and seven weeks. It's Done, Finished, Fin, Over, Finalized, and The End!

It's bitter sweet news. I love the idea of having finished my chemo, at the same time I'm a bit nervous about chemo being over. Argh! My nurse said this was perfectly normal and in a few months my confidence would be stronger.

I'll visit my oncologist again next month to make sure everything is good. Then my visits will happen every 3 months and will include an MRI.

A toast. To fewer drives down to Denver, to fewer blood draws at hospitals, and to the end of a treatment that has been accomplished. May "Fred" have suffered and died from the radiation and chemotherapy and never come back. Cheers.

Friday, May 29, 2009

5/29/09

I'm not sure if I'm doing anything differently this month than others to handle the chemo. However, I have napped a total of 7 hours between yesterday and today. It's ridiculous. I hate losing days this way. Only 3 more nights and I'm done.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

5/28/09

Last week I was sent a card with no return address and no last names on it. This card was so thoughtful. It said hurray! for the last round of chemo. After a solid week I think I figured out who it was from. I only had one name to go on "Stephanie". At first I thought it was from Lean'n Tree, a company I applied to before "Fred", but that didn't make any sense. Then I sent an e-mail to my old Avnet boss seeing if they sent it and they hadn't. It wasn't until this morning when I received an e-mail from Stephanie at Meals on Wheels that I realized who it was from. What a terrific organization. That is the type of company I want to work for.

I had a good meeting with my doctor yesterday. My blood draw took one poke, I wanted to break out in a song of praise, but didn't. All signs of a recovery are pointing in the right direction. And my doctor prescribed my last round of chemo to me. The last dose will be this Sunday night. And then I'm done. I've already got some goals.
1. Land a fun/rewarding job as an account manager or something similar working with people.
2. Go to Water World
3. Continue to volunteer
4. Jog a 5K
5. Get my house back into shape
6. Make time to see friends and family

These goals seem reasonable and attainable. I can do this.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

May 26 2009

Has anyone see the commercial from V-8 recently? I dig it. It's a white screen with bold black words that say "Stop Hating" and then it adds "vegetables". I was just thinking that the add would be perfect with just the "Stop Hating" portion. Stop hating things, people, places and so on. For me it takes way more of my energy to hate and it doesn't get me anywhere. Does it feel good in the moment? Sure. But dwelling on something that isn't going to make me smile or laugh isn't worth it.

I continue to remind myself of all the things I'm grateful for. And for some reason clean hot running water always comes to mind in the morning. I also remind myself to be grateful for my situation. I don't want "Fred" but it did do a great job of shaking things up and keeping me aware of what I have and what is important to me.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

5/17/09

I have an answer about the YMCA volunteer thing. The way it was explained to me was that the YMCA's are sort of like a franchise. This explained so much. I am my locations first volunteer and it sounds like they need the help. I think they are sort of creating the system as they go. I'm positive other YMCA's have had volunteer's. If you are in another state don't let my experience stop you from donating your free time. Maybe they will ask me to help out in the process and I can put all of that Six Sigma training to work. I will need to be on my best behavior and watch my sarcasm. I wouldn't want to ruin this for future volunteers. I could just see future volunteers being offered a chance to clean toilets because I was rotten.

The last two weekends Derek and I have gone to the movies. Star Trek, and Angels & Demons, both were entertaining. Which brings me to movie etiquette. Please don't talk during the movie, and if someone asks to you shhh don't start talking again later on in the movie. Next if you would prefer to lay down in your girlfriends lap... maybe you should think about waiting for the movie to come out on DVD and watch it at home. Contrary to your belief that no one cares, your wrong. Leave it at the house. I paid $10 bucks too. You may have picked up that I had a tough time at the movies last night. The movie began and the stranger to my left would not shut up! When I changed seats I would have thought they would have picked up on my not to subtle action. Nope. I guess being 2 seats away from them wasn't enough distance for Derek who had to verbally ask them to shut it. Which was useless because they started talking 5 minutes later. My point being I enjoyed my movie less due to their lack of respect for others. After this blog entry I'm not going to think about it anymore. I have the option to stay at home where I can control the environment. There really wasn't any harm done. I'm just a movie theater snob. I need to let it go.

I want to put a special shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Muller. Thank you so much for the grout gun suggestion. Derek and I are finally making progress on the grouting in our bathroom. We owe you big time.
Our bathroom has about 90% of the tile laid. If you make it to our home we'll show you our semi-finished project. You will see why we are so excited about the grout gun. Before we were using something that is the craftsman version of an iced cake decorating tool. Talk about tough to work with. I was using my entire body weight to squeeze schmootz out. Now Derek can just pull a trigger and the grout is effortlessly oozed into place. We may get this project finished before 2010.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

5/13/09

I seemed to tolerate my previous round of chemo better than the last couple months. Other than the expected energy suck there was less to deal with. I received a little bit of a promotion at Meals on Wheels, moving from assembling brown bags in the kitchen to baking cakes and cookies. I have made more giant sheet cakes and peanut butter cookies than I care to count. As an added bonus I now know how to work 3 different sizes of Kitchen Aid mixers. Oh Golly the big mixers are huge. The baking at MOW's has taken care of my cravings to bake at home. Which is a good thing for my diet.

Meals On Wheels continues to be a blast. I've met Martin who is 80+ years old. He's a WWII veteran from Germany. He takes food home to feed the fox living around his house. For some reason that makes me laugh. My coworkers all seem to get along pretty well. I told one coworker that "Everybody has a little bit of crazy in them. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others." Which made me realize that I want to let some of my crazy out. Good lord. I better rein it in if I want to receive a decent recommendation.

Today was my first day volunteering at the YMCA. I'll be working at the front desk in 2 hour increments. Right now I'm taking the 5-7 pm slot a couple days a week. If that ends up being a pain for Derek and me I have the option to change my hours. The work is a bit more complex than MOW's, there are binders and schedules and forms along with giving tours. It was funny I was introduced to everyone as "The Volunteer". I felt a little self conscious to be "The Volunteer". I can't tell if I'm the first or not. My guess is that I'm either the first or the last volunteer quit years ago.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

4/29/09

I had a cold that took longer than I would have liked to get over. I am praying the swine flu will stay out of CO. That virus is a mess. I made a Target run before heading to Home Depot to pick up the purse size and desk size hand sanitizer. And since I'm so paranoid about H1-N1 and MRSA I've added more hand washing into my day. These were two of the highlighted topics on Oprah's show yesterday.

I did stop by theHome Depot for flowers. Here's to hoping the plants and flowers don't die on me this season. I purchased a Topsy Turvy tomato planter to see if tomato plants really can grow upside down. After trying to grow tomatoes last year and I tried 3 times, my confidence is shaky.

Tomorrow will be the beginning of round 11 of chemo, I think. Of course I'll be checking with my doctor to confirm. This is probably a good call since I have gotten the end dates to quarterly MRI's and radiation wrong. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I've got the number of the round correct.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

4/15/09 Later the same day

I realized that tonight is my last night with my laptop. Or I should say with Avnet's laptop. I was secretly hoping they would forget I had it. I have to surrender everything I have tomorrow at Noon. The trick will be figuring out how to deliver it without a case. I turned the company case in ages ago. Gosh I hope they didn't forget that. Of course the laptop has issues. The battery no longer holds a charge and I'm hoping that won't be a problem.

Derek has assured me he has a laptop I can use. My guess is that it won't have wireless and I'll need to be plugged in somewhere. It's better than nothing so I'll stop bitching.

4/15/09

D.C. was amazing. I'm so glad we went. I survived bicycling at night for a couple hours and I didn't end up with teary red eyes like I thought. Which makes me wonder what is wrong with my emotion chip. We visited all of the memorials and the Holocaust museum. Derek is an excellent tour guide. Our days were well planned and entertaining. I learned so much while I was there that I didn't want to leave. FDR, his wife, Thomas Jefferson, and Lincoln were amazing individuals. When we left I realized I wanted to learn more about them and their situations. It makes me wish I had paid more attention in my civics class back in high school. It was a good reminder that these tough times we are in will pass. And I expect we'll all be better for it. From a visual perspective the tulips and cherry blossoms were gorgeous. I think Derek needs to be nervous about my possible flower shopping over the next couple weeks. I want the front of my home to look that good.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

4/7/09

It seems like everything makes me cry. Example, Kenny being killed on South Park or every time the Star Spangle Banner plays I quickly start digging for tissue in my purse. It isn't limited to music. I cry if someone was mean to someone else on t.v. or an article in the paper tells about someone being hurt. It started a year ago. Since "Fred" I like to think my sensitivity chip has been upgraded. Thanks "Fred"! It's the gift that keeps on giving.
I'm bring this up because Derek and I are going to D.C. on Thursday for mini-vacation and I'm preparing myself for the crying I will likely be doing. I'm very excited to go and at the same time I'm trying to be realistic about my sensitivity level. All of those memorials, and the Holocaust museum? I'm not even going to bother trying to bring enough tissue with me. My best bet will be to find the closest convenience store and buy a boxes of tissue.

Monday, April 6, 2009

April 6th

My bad. I was supposed to write on Friday after my appointment with my oncologist. Friday's meeting was to review my MRI scan on Wednesday April 1st. My doctor was running an hour and fifteen minutes late which made me a little late getting home and tired.

"Fred" has not reappeared. The chemo must be doing it's job. I would celebrate with everyone right now except I'm so darn tired from taking chemo round 10. I've got 2 days and 2 more rounds of chemo and I'll be done. I'm so happy.

I've got a story to share. Again I managed to trick myself into thinking that April 1st was the last of my quarterly MRI's. Wrong again. I was informed I will still have 1 more year of quarterly MRI's after my chemo ends. Then I'll move into the phase of fewer MRI's a year.
During my meeting I asked about "Fred" coming back and where it would likely show up. If "Fred" comes back he'll show up along the frontal portion of my right brain. Well...what's left of it. Luckily we know that I am left brain dominant, meaning they can scoop more out of the right side if they need to.

For the most part I feel good. My biggest worries lately are what to make for dinner and have I gotten to the gym.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April 1 2009

This morning I went in for my 4th follow-up MRI. I won't see the results until Friday afternoon. As far as MRI appointments go this one was the best. I checked in, waited less than 5 mins and was called back to the 2nd waiting room. Next I was passed over to a nurse who put in my IV on the first try. The MRI took exactly 28 mins and I was out of the hospital doors on my way home by 9 a.m. It's the little things that make me happy.

Colorado weather cracks me up. At 3:20 today it started snowing and I heard thunder. In a matter of 5 minutes it went from light snow to white out conditions. Just in time for rush hour. No April fool'en.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

March 22nd

Before I fall asleep at night I like to think back on my day's events. I reflect on all of the things I'm thankful for. Tonight my list took me awhile to get through.

Tonight I began with being thankful for the great weather this weekend. I accomplished 99% of everything I wanted.
I am also thankful for: (feel free to skip this part)


  • Derek. He continues to amaze me.

  • Friends.

  • A volunteer job. Helping people is rewarding.

  • Having the energy to clean the house.

  • Having the energy and focus to host dinner.

  • Having enough that we are able to share with others.

  • Being able to understand intelligent jokes.

  • Not having to win a game in order to enjoy it.

  • Being able to play a game and not look like a ding-dong.

  • Having pets.

  • Being able to enjoy the moment in the moment, without worry.

  • Not watching the news and being sucked into the negativity.

  • Having "Fred". Thank God for such a strong wake-up call. I'm grateful for this 2nd chance to be aware of the goodness that surrounds me.

That's it so far. Hopefully it's not to sappy and you'll keep on reading my posts.


Jen

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

March 18th

It's been 1 year since the discovery of "Fred". I'm still deciding on when to mark my 1 year survival date. Is is post surgery? Post radiation? Post chemo? The questions keep on coming. I started doing research into life insurance for myself. The trick is to expect the worst and still hope for the best. That way when the insurance representative tells me I need to wait 5 years (with no complications) after my last chemo dose, I won't be disappointed. That's the word right now from State Farm. I'm not worried. Five years should be easy to reach with no problems.

I mentioned before that "Fred" has been known to me for 1 year. This due to Avnet letting me know my FMLA ran out. My last day at work was Sat. March 14th. Not to worry I still have my long term disability. It is a weird feeling not having a job as a safety net. I believe the correct term is bitter-sweet.

In the health department I feel good. I'm averaging 3 visits to the gym each week and I can almost jog a 1/2 mile. I'm a little bummed because I don't think I'll be able to participate in this year's Boulder Bolder.

On a lighter note, last night Derek and I went to see the Colorado 14teeners play against the Idaho Stampede. That's minor league basketball. What a great game. There were maybe 150 fans watching, maybe. This made it easier to catch a free t-shirt during one of the time outs. I did catch a t-shirt. The writing on it said...
Get your IRISH on!
St. Patty's Day 2008
Derek and I were trying to figure out if someone made a mistake on the year and didn't catch it in time before printing or if the t-shirts were from last year. The game was a nail bitter. At the end of the 4th period the teams were tied at 102 points. The 14teeners won in overtime. I think last night was the first time I've been to the Broomfield event center and actually seen the home team win.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

3/12/09

I'm not sure if I've always been forgetful or if it's just part of getting older. I was supposed to meet a friend out for tapas last night and I "no showed". I know! I'm such a jerk. I didn't "no show" because I was feeling ill. I "no showed" because I forgot. I understand this can happen to people from time to time. Except! I had it written down in my 1990's style calendar. This month of all months I decided I would make the switch to digital. No one explained that going digital only works if you update your digital device. It hurts to know that I'm a nincompoop. This isn't the first thing I've forgotten this week. Earlier I had put Cora in the basement during some bathroom construction. I brought out blankets for her to curl up on and opened the blind for her to have a warm sun spot. I forgot to bring down a bowl of water. Luckily she survived and forgave me. Dogs are so kind.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

3/4/09

I had another follow up appointment this morning. My poor doctor. She was running 45 minutes behind. I felt so bad for her. I hope whomever she was helping is doing better now. I passed all of my tests. AND it only took one poke to draw blood. Hallelujah! I'm off to catch up on some sleep.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

March 3rd

I'm not sure if I should be excited about all of the warm weather lately or be very very afraid. Derek has mentioned a couple times that it's hard to dislike global warming when it is so beautiful outside. I tend to agree with him. Although I am hoping it will snow soon and the weather will start acting like March again.

Last weekend was fantastic. I went to Denver for another friends birthday. I lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes. Right On! This is an improvement of 45 minutes from last weekend. Sunday was a bit more difficult. I felt like I had a horrible hang over. The best cure for a hang over? White chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Yes, I know how to make them. But I recommend only eating them in moderation. I have a thing for cookies and this only came on in the last 9 months. I ate more cookies than I can remember on Sunday and I spent the whole day feeling sick to my stomach. Hurting never tasted so good.

Today has been interesting. I was going for my walk with Cora this morning and we found a little dog wondering on it's own. It was almost hit by 2 cars when it decided it was o.k. to let me pet him. We knocked on about 5 doors and he didn't belong to anyone. He had a collar but no tags. Which I thought was odd. I took him to the Humane Society and he didn't have a microchip. I feel really bad about dropping him off. He was well behaved, didn't bark and seemed to enjoy riding in the car. Now the poor thing is getting vaccines, possibly neutered and a bath. And it's all my fault.

So much for going to the gym today. I'm exhausted.

Monday, February 23, 2009

2/23/09

Last week did end up being good. My volunteering time at Meals on Wheels continues to be rewarding. I need to call them to find out if I can get more hours. Saturday night was also fun. It was nice to be out in Denver celebrating a friends birthday. I lasted 1 1/2 hours which is pretty good for my first time. The drawback to going out is feeling hung over the next morning. I didn't drink anymore than water. But who cares. Celebrating with friends is always worth it.

My news is about work. Avnet sent me a letter last week notifying me that March 14th is the 1 year mark of my absence. They will let me go unless I can prove why I should remain an employee. The problem is that I need to figure out if I want to stay on or if it makes more sense to let it go. Not to worry this won't affect my disability status. I've been with Access/Avnet for almost 9 years. That is a lot of vacation time. More if I could get to 10 years. But then I think about it. 9 Years! Holy S@*!. Almost no one this day and age sticks with a company that long. Maybe it's a good idea to move on. If only I could work at Meals on Wheels full time. That would be so cool.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

2/18/09

This week has been pretty good to me. I expect the rest of the week to be excellent as well. Monday I had a great workout at the gym and I went to see a chick flick. Tuesday I received a mani/pedi. My hands and toes are looking good. Today I took a yoga class with the intention of lifting weights afterwards. I forgot the yoga class was an hour long and weights will have to wait. Tomorrow I get to volunteer with Meals on Wheels. (I love this organization). Friday I'll probably need to call MetLife. They want to know when I'm going back to work. I don't have an answer. I hope that isn't bad. Saturday I'm going to a birthday party. It will be nice to get out of town for a couple hours.

Friday, February 13, 2009

2/13/09

I am addicted to Stephanie Meyer's books. I read her 4 published books in a short time frame which ended up giving me a headache. Nothing that a couple aspirin couldn't handle. A couple days ago I started researching Stephanie's next book. It turns out that she isn't going to publish her next book because someone leaked a portion before it was finished. She instead chose to make 254 pages of her unpublished manuscript available online. Of course when I found this out I had to read her online partial book. Whoops. For me it turns out that reading from a computer for longer than 1 hour is not the best idea. But I didn't stop because I'm addicted to Stephanie's books. I'm hoping the headache will go away soon. It was a ding-dong move.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

2/11/09

A friend sent this to me the other day. Is there anything Andy Rooney gets wrong?

ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only allowing that person to continue hurting you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

2/8/09

I don't usually gripe in my blog. I can not seem to get around it today.
I constantly forget how much I dislike taking my chemo. I started Friday night and slept most of Saturday away. Sunday has been about the same. I know, I have nothing to complain about. My health is improving, along with my endurance. Fred is taking hopefully taking a permanent vacation. I just hate to lose my days like this.

I still have hope. It will get easier.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

2/7/09

I have one huge reason for not writing more in my blog lately. It is a book called "Here if you Need Me" by Kate Braestrup. It is a beautifully written true story about Kate's life. After I finished reading her book I tried to write but couldn't bring myself to publish. Her writing is eliquant and beautiful. I think of my writing more like a dyslexic 3rd grader trying to complete a 10 page essay on Shakespere.



I may have overdone it yesterday because I fell asleep at 9 p.m. This morning we got back from breakfast and I fell asleep again for a few hours. I woke up in time to make lunch and now I'm resting. Again.



Yesterday I ran a few errands, met with friends, and stopped by the YMCA. My first errand was to the apple store in Boulder. After about 15 minutes I returned to my car parked in the garage. I looked up and there was a pigeon hanging out on a rafter above my very clean prius. First of all there shouldn't be any birds in a parking garage. Not when there are plenty of trees overlooking prime parking spaces. When I got to my car I quickly walked around to make sure there weren't any pots of pigeon gold left for me. Darnet anyway, I found the incriminating evidence on the window. It's to bad I couldn't catch that bird. I would have sent her/him off to Iran where I hear pigeon's are a delicacy. Dumb bird.

Friday, February 6, 2009

2/6/09

I had another good meeting with my neuro oncologist yesterday. My blood counts are healthy and I passed all of my testing. AND! it only took one poke to get my blood drawn. Oh Happy Day! I'm amazed how my world, once a month, seems to revolve around how many tries it takes to draw blood. On average it takes 3 attempts and I end up bruised. I gave myself one additional night off from starting my chemo. I'll begin tonight and end Tuesday. I'm expecting the energy suck to happen again, but that's about it. This means no reading and probably losing a lot of time to the t.v. My silver lining is that I'll get caught up on my commercial watching and get a healthy dose of media moping on our economy.
I have been cleared by Dr. Damek to begin volunteering. I'll have my Obama volunteer challenge completed by the end of the month. It feels so good to have a purpose again. Giving back to others is my way of paying it forward for all of the wonderful support, friendship, and love I've received over the last 11 months.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

1/28/09

I realize that it has been a couple weeks since my last entry. My bad. I have been busy enjoying the weather, reading a book, and picking up and throwing away the dead mouse the cat left for me. Derek set out a sizable amount of mouse traps before Peanut proved her worth. He decided it would be prudent to let the cat have free range of the house and save some money on traps.

I finished reading 3 books since Christmas. This is a huge accomplishment for me because reading before was out of the question. To many headaches. I work out at the YMCA since physical therapy has ended. Sad but true I still can only military press 6 lbs total.

I mentioned that my latest round of chemo was no 7, and I'll begin round 8 on Feb 6Th...only 4 to go. The chemo zaps my energy. I say, "Energy Smenergy" it only lasts a couple days and it rarely makes me ill. It is exciting to say my last dose of chemo is June. Heaven!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Jan 10th

Janurary is turning out to be a positive month. Derek and I got our hair cut together at Super Cuts. This time a different stylist helped me out and it turns out she is a cancer survivor too. My experiences at Super Cuts have proven to be polar opposites. No conversations about death, just a casual discussion about her cancer and recovery.... and hair loss to regrowth.

I had my third MRI which was a little funny. There are two waiting rooms. The first is to wait to be called back to change into a gown and the second area to wait while in a gown for the actual MRI. It was pretty late and while I was waiting in the 2nd waiting room I heard a couple of the technicians talking about not being able to find the brain. This went on for a couple mins and made me laugh. Isn't it great hearing people chat out of context? Fearfully I realized that if they couldn't find the brain how were they going to find my veins to inject the contrast? It turned out to be a safe worry. Three pokes later and I was on my way.

Two days later I drove back down to the hospital to be examined and review the results of the MRI. When I drive down for these monthly meetings I practice saying the months of the year backwards. I'm not supposed to practice but I do. I don't want to look like a ding dong. I think I shared this quick story before. In the beginning and before radiation started one of my doctors asked me to subtract 7 from 100, then again and again. I'm not used to doing this without a calculator. Imagine the worry on the doctors faces when I only got the number 93 correct and nothing else. We quickly switched to months of the year. My exam turned out to be fine and the results of the MRI also turned out to be fine. Being the paranoid person that I sometimes can be I asked what the little white dot was at the back of my head, panic was slowly building in my stomach. I was told it was a blood vessel and everyone has one in the same spot. Crisis adverted!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Jan 1 2009

I've re-read my 2008 blogs. Did everyone receive the super secret Oveltine decoder ring? If you read everything I wrote you are a saint. I was less clever and funny as I would have liked to have been. I've asked a lot of questions and I will probably ask more. Thank you for your support in 2008, for giving me a hug when I needed it most and for listening to me re-tell my saga.

I'm ringing in the new year with a cold. I didn't realize it would be such an energy suck. It feels like I did a few months ago with no energy and headaches.