Oct 31

Happy Halloween! I had my PT appointment this morning. I thought the appointment started at 10:30. Whoops! I got there and found out my appointment started at 10:00. Yup a full half hour late. I didn't blame it on Fred. Thankfully Bob (the therapist), let me work with him. It was generous of him. The workout consisted of a 6 min reclined bike ride, squats w/ 2 lbs weights, bicep curls w/ 4 lbs weights, and 2 upper body lifts with bands. This took me 20 mins to complete. It wiped me out. My arm muscles were sore and my legs wanted to give out. If I had to guess I'll be in bed by 8:00 tonight or I'll have fallen asleep on the couch with the animals.

Oct 23

I don't understand the flu shot. I got mine a week ago Friday. I am a big baby. Needles hurt and the darn anti flu virus stung. I bring this up because I had a bad day yesterday. I went to bed the night before at 8:00. Couldn't keep my eyes open. The next morning I didn't wake up until 9:00. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and went back to bed until 1:00. I'm just not sure if this is me having a bad day or if it was the flu shot.

My physical therapy seems to be going well. Every other day I complete a 10 min walk. And two times a week I go in to see the physical therapist. Next week I'll bump my walk time up to 15 mins. My on site PT appointment seemed to go well. Squats make me tired and the band lifts are completed in small quantities with only 2 sets. We all have to start somewhere. I am finding my new normal which is fun. Today I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I am excited to figure out who I want to be.

Oct 23

Physical therapy yesterday kicked my rear end. What is sad is that all I did was 4 mins of bicycle and 3 sets of 10 squats w/ no weights on a reclined slidey bench. My at home workouts will be walking outside for set amounts of time on set days. I'm going at 2:30 if anyone wants to join.
Derek discovered that when I exhaust myself I get headaches. I'm going through this and didn't pick up on this fact until he said something. I think we all can use a little help from our significant others.

Changing the topic completely. I didn't realize that people weren't on facebook as much as me. I was shocked! to hear that folks don't check their facebook account every day.

Changing the topic again. I am a mean person. I have no filter on my mouth. This isn't due to "Fred". I have always been like this. I humbly apologize to everyone I have offended over the years with my mean comments. If you haven't heard my nastiness then thank heavens.

Oct 22

My goodness I'm tired. I've had a wonderful day so far. I've gotten to eat lunch with friends, which was fabulous. Then I visited with other friends.... which wore me out. I really want to nap but I need to get ready for physical therapy. One of the things I realized during my conversations today is that I have kept a lot of this disease and healing close to me. I didn't share my details with that many people. It was to fresh and to raw emotionally for me to talk about. Those of you who did talk to me probably saw me tear up. Now that I'm moving into this phase of knowing I'm a survivor I still tear up and I'll tell almost anyone almost anything. Now I like to joke about the funny side of it.

The big item I keep talking about is my hair loss. Thank you for being patient and listening to me laugh/rant/lament/bitch about its loss. I am trying to stay positive, it's just hard. I'm a girl and I really liked my hair. As an added bonus some of my hair looks to be gone for good. On the positive side... the hair that is growing, is still growing.

It is a good day and I am grateful to have family and friends that care.

Oct 20th

It is such a Monday. The weather is a bit blah and I'm not feeling as good as I was this weekend. I think its a combination of not drinking enough water and my chemo building up in my system. It isn't all bad. The cat is snuggled up on the bed and purring for no apparent reason and the dog has systematically taken all of our dirty socks out of the laundry and set them free in strategic places around the house. I'm not going to bother to pick them up until bedtime, she'll just set them free again. I wish everyone could see our dog digging her nose around in dirty laundry. She always goes for the most stinky article of clothing. The SOCKS! So that the record is set, after Cora sets Derek's socks free she then works on mine.

Oct 19th

This weekend was great. Only a couple headaches which were easily nipped in the bud. This is the best I've handled the chemo. I feel like I'm ready to get back out into the world again. If I weren't missing hair on part of my head I could pretend that I never had Fred.

Oct 17th

I woke up this morning tired. Not to bad for the first night of chemo. I'm resting as much as I can because I have a baby shower to go to this weekend. And I'm very excited to get out of the house and be around a group of people.

You may not be aware...but I have a hard time keeping track of my medications, as there are many. Did I take my morning meds? Did I forget to take them at night? To try and help myself I started using a pill box. It did the trick. I haven't worried about missing medications. Now.... making sure I have enough of each pill to take would be good. Usually I don't know I'm out until the day before or the day of. This causes problems, Unless you are me and you have a guy. Yup. I have a guy. I recommend getting one. Dan is my guy at Walgreens and he takes care of me. He took my problem order from one of the other girls behind the counter. I love it! This girl was ready to dig in and Dan yelled from across the room that he would work on it. Right On!

As I mentioned I was back at the pharmacy again today. As I didn't have enough of a couple medications. If you are looking at my last post you will notice I was just there. This happens quite a bit. I'm so grateful that Dan was working. Insurance didn't want to cover the costs for a couple of my medications. Enter my hero Dan. He volunteered to get everything taken care of so I would be covered through the end of my chemo Monday night. Every few minutes Dan would stop by to tell me he is still working with my insurance and found some clever alternatives. This took about 30 or so minutes. If only every sales person I met had these customer service skills. I think the world would be a better place.
While all of this was going on I was worrying about Cora. Cora has been cooped up in the house with me these last 7 months. I thought she might enjoy a ride in the car. For those of you who don't know Cora very well a quick explanation. This beloved family member used to go into work with Derek or me every day. She would be pet by a number of new people and would also get to ride in the car. She is also VERY food motivated. To say Cora is motivated by food is an understatement. On my 2nd trip to the pharmacy this week I took a chance and stopped by the grocery before I picked up my medications. I left Cora in the car with a bag of freshly purchased butter. Referencing the earlier note this was a serious roll of the dice on my part. Probably not one of my better choices.
It turns out I didn't need to worry at all. Cora was a good dog and didn't eat the butter and I got all of my medications from Dan. It has been a good Friday.

Oct 16th

Wow. So yesterday was good news. Other good news that I forgot to share is that Derek and I were told I probably will only need to take 1 years worth of chemo. I am so grateful. That stuff will make your stomach roll and not in a good way. I will say that all of that good news gave me false energy for today. I've already tried to do to much and I'm tired. Once my nap is done I'll be ready for everything else coming at me.

I needed to stop by the pharmacy today to have this months worth of chemo filled. I was caught off guard when the pharmacist team all wanted to know how I was doing. Apparently I have them all fooled into thinking I am a nice person. When I asked them how they new who I was they told me it was my hat. I'm guessing this will mean I no longer need to provide my birthday or address when picking up prescriptions. Yikes! To bad there isn't a frequent shopper program at Walgreens. Derek and I would be set for Halloween candy.

I'm going to be o.k.

Oct 15th

I feel like I received good news today.

My MRI results came back favorable. Fred is dying. The doctors do not know enough about how and why tumors develop in the brain and this means that the tumor can grow back. I still need to take my chemo for a full year. Tomorrow I start round 4. Maybe in 5 more years there will be more information and we'll find a cure. I don't have any bad news to report. I will be looking for a physical therapist to help me build my endurance. If you have a suggestion for someone in the Boulder area let me know.

Oct 14th

Less than one day before I get my 2nd MRI. I am very excited to hear some positive results.

Some of the things that have happened since my last MRI.

• I've gained back 8 lbs. This isn't what I wanted to do as this will likely mean I'll have an increased dose of chemo to take this week. That and I really liked being able to say I weighed 132 lbs and wore skinny lady cloths.
• I am being contacted by Metlife, my insurance company paying the disability checks, to see if I can go back to work. Seriously? Really? I want to tell them "I'm not faking. I'm not trying to stay sick." Why on earth would anyone volunteer to sit at home with something like this. Sorry. Not bitter. Just annoyed.
• I've watched the seasons change from spring to summer and fall. It has been wonderful having the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of it all.

Keep your fingers crossed for tomorrow. Hopefully my chemo won't be increased much. I will update my blog tomorrow with my results.

Oct 8th

Today I had to get my blood drawn. While I was waiting for my turn the receptionist called me up front to ask me if I remembered who was in line after me. Being unaware that I would be responsible for this type of information I was not able to answer her. It would have been helpful if she had told me I would have a pop quiz when I checked in. This is where I should have used my handy "quart low" comment, but didn't. The rest of this day has been full of naps, a headache, and fatigue. I don't understand it. It's beautiful outside. I should have all the energy of a well rested woman in her 30's. I thought all of the blah days were behind me. I was mistaken.

Oct 5th

One of my good friends from Spain asked me if my doctors had told me to stop using my cell phone. This is an excellent question. I was asked this many times about 6 months ago. The radiation oncologist said there was no conclusive evidence that cell phone use promotes brain tumors. This being said I'm sure there are studies being done about cell phones and tumors. I listen to my phone on my left ear and Fred was found in my right frontal lobe. I'm not sure what that means if it means anything.

On a lighter note. I had my first half glass of red wine and enjoyed it, until I started eating some ice cream. It didn't taste so great after that.

Oct 3rd

Today has been odd. I woke up with a lot of energy. I took my dog Cora for a walk and now I'm ready to take a nap. This is odd to me for one reason. I've done this before and I've gone on to accomplish many things during the day. Oh well, right? It is all part of the recovery process. Once I'm through this I'll appreciate exercise that much more.

The other odd item is that the water from our kitchen sink now tastes funny to me. I don't think this is supposed to happen. I think taste change is only supposed to happen during radiation. We all know that my radiation is completed. I don't get it. I'm not going to try and figure it out either. I'll ask the doctor about it during my next visit. BTW! My next MRI is coming up on the 15th. I'm hoping for more good news.

October 2nd 2008

I recently read something found in most Papyrus cards. It's about humming birds. A couple of lines hit home for me this morning. "... savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and celebrate the joy of everyday. " "... life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and laughter is life's sweetest creation." There is only so much embracing I can do here in the house. I need to get my endurance up to visit you all.