Nov 30

It's the last day of November and all I can think about is what I need to get done. I have a list of to-do's long enough that it will take me 3 days to complete. If only I had more time and energy.

My thanksgiving was wonderful. I enjoyed the company of friends up in Silverthorne. A couple hours of conversation wore me out and I had to take a nap before dinner. Right now all I can think about is apple pie. It was so yummy!

I will go in for my blood draw this week. Next week I have my monthly follow up visit with my doctor. I'm only expecting to hear good news. My headaches are happening less frequently and my appetite is back to its pre-tumor days. I am thankful.

Nov 25th

I'm having dreams about walking around in public with no camouflage. They started last weekend when I realized that my hair was growing back. I suppose the positive is that I feel like I know what I'll do with it when it becomes a bit more filled in and longer. I can almost cover all of the blank spots. Imagine a really bad comb over and that is the stage I'm at.

I do feel like my body is getting stronger. I can never tell if I'm really improving or if it's a false reading. I still get headaches and get tired if I read for very long.

Physical therapy is getting tough. They've added the military press with 2 pound dumb bells, sit-ups, and additional time on the bicycles. I'm pathetic. My arms and shoulders shake and burn. The same sort of thing happens when I complete my sit-ups. It would be comical if I weren't so sore.

I do have goals for the future. I would like to jog the Boulder Bolder next year and then maybe attempt a short triathlon. I've got my eye on the prize. This Thanksgiving I'll toast to Not giving up hope, Really understanding how much I am loved, and Knowing who my true friend are. This is a beautiful life.

I'm tired. I started what I believe is my 6th round of chemo on Friday night. Two more nights to go and I'll be at my halfway mark. For those just joining I take chemo in pill form. I take it 5 days each month for 1 year. Sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach or gives me insomnia or saps my energy.

I did think this round would be easier with the exercise I've completed. I'm not sure if it's the pt or the chemo making me tired. Likely it is a little bit of both. I spent Sat asleep on the couch and fell asleep that night with no problems. Sunday was sort of the same.

I wonder how people work with this going on. How do they do it?

Nov 11

Naps and headaches is the theme for my day. I was surprised this morning when I tilted my head and felt a stabbing headache in the area where "Fred" used to be. This isn't normal for me. My headaches had almost disappeared. Not to worry, I'll ask my neuro oncologist about it on Thursday. Tylenol usually does the trick. My pt appointment was shorter than normal. We didn't do as many exercises. Although I did find out that Emily's in-laws are big Luther alumni. Go Norsk! Afterwards I was ready for a nap. I slept for 3 hours, it was bliss.

Nov 10

Having a haircut is a big deal for me. My first was a post surgery/pre-radiation cut, and was provided by my friend Jen. She brought someone over to the house as I was to embarrassed to venture outside. It was hard to take my hat off in front of friends. I felt like Frankenstein with 32 staples in my head. What would they think? Would they stare? Be grossed out? Afterwards I felt good about the way I looked and knew that my friends loved and supported me. No one got sick to their stomach.
My second haircut was performed by my sister post radiation. I had lost most of my hair around my face with only a few brave ones hanging on. She was most interested in what was growing back. I was thrilled that she saw hairs growing back.
My third haircut happened today. It was scary. After driving by the local Super Cuts, parking, peeking in the windows, and then driving away four times this month I decided it was time to walk in weather there were people there or not. I asked the receptionist if I could have my hair cut by someone in the back of the salon on the left hand side. This way I would be less visible to the public and the left side of my head has the most hair regrowth. It was so hard to sit down and take my hat off. Then it was hard to explain what I wanted done. Next it was hard to look at myself in the mirror. (I usually have a scarf on at home and do not see what is or is not growing back). I almost cried twice. The stylist tried to make me feel more comfortable by talking to me about the folks she knew with cancer, some of whom had passed away. If you are wondering? This type of conversation about cancer and death is not helpful. It was my first conversation with a complete stranger who was not in the medical field. I'm sure she meant well. People are not mean by nature. When I did look up I saw the other customers and stylists staring at me. I am assuming they did not intend to get caught staring. It must have been their curiosity. Long story short, I survived my first haircut away from home and I did it on my own. One milestone accomplished, more to come.

Nov 6

Yesterday's note was just a tad preachy. I was feeling strongly about health care after seeing how much my bills could have cost.

Onto my health. The time change hasn't been easy on me. That tied with the physical therapy I'm actually sleeping more. I have done my darnedest to stay awake until 10. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. I wake up around 9, which isn't good, and I end up taking naps during the day. I understand I need to find my new normal, but gosh darn this is taking forever! On the positive side Cora (our dog) is having a tough time adjusting. She's ready to eat and let us know it. Those of you who know Cora... well she's always ready to eat.

When I have down time I try to fill it with productive activities. I usually end up wondering what everyone else is doing. I'll check facebook and then give myself a break.

That is about it. Hope you are having a wonderful day.

Nov 5

Do you have health insurance? I do. I've been covered from a very early age. This is due to the fact I seemed to be sick or hospitalized most of the time growing up. It even got to the point when I would start to wonder when I would get sick again. If you are thinking this is a horrible way to think I agree with you. It turned into a self fulfilling prophecy.

Back to the insurance question. Do you have it? Are you covered? I was browsing through some of the bills the doctors and hospitals have sent over to insurance. $99,715.54 was the largest I could find. That was just for the hospital. The doctors and nursing bills were separate. Sahweet! Plan on another out of pocket $645 base charge for a ride in the ambulance. It usually isn't covered by insurance. What I am trying to say is that if you don't have insurance and you are only able to barely make ends meet, please get yourself and your family covered. I'm not fooling around on this one. Give up cable, or movies, or ride your bike more. It's not cheap with insurance, and without it you may be moving back in with your parents. Or worse having to file for bankruptcy.

I do believe there is hope. President elect Obama campaigned for better health care. I hope he can find and act on a new direction for America.

Nov 1

I think I'm catching a cold. I don't know how that could be possible with the flu shot and the anti viral medication I'm taking. I guess anything is possible. I have some sore muscles but I think they are sore due to physical therapy. I never thought 4 lbs could hurt so good. It does. I'm nervous I won't have enough energy for my next pt appointment. I've spent most of the weekend resting. I wish I could fall asleep during the day. If I could I would have more energy. It would be so nice to nap again.