Having a haircut is a big deal for me. My first was a post surgery/pre-radiation cut, and was provided by my friend Jen. She brought someone over to the house as I was to embarrassed to venture outside. It was hard to take my hat off in front of friends. I felt like Frankenstein with 32 staples in my head. What would they think? Would they stare? Be grossed out? Afterwards I felt good about the way I looked and knew that my friends loved and supported me. No one got sick to their stomach.
My second haircut was performed by my sister post radiation. I had lost most of my hair around my face with only a few brave ones hanging on. She was most interested in what was growing back. I was thrilled that she saw hairs growing back.
My third haircut happened today. It was scary. After driving by the local Super Cuts, parking, peeking in the windows, and then driving away four times this month I decided it was time to walk in weather there were people there or not. I asked the receptionist if I could have my hair cut by someone in the back of the salon on the left hand side. This way I would be less visible to the public and the left side of my head has the most hair regrowth. It was so hard to sit down and take my hat off. Then it was hard to explain what I wanted done. Next it was hard to look at myself in the mirror. (I usually have a scarf on at home and do not see what is or is not growing back). I almost cried twice. The stylist tried to make me feel more comfortable by talking to me about the folks she knew with cancer, some of whom had passed away. If you are wondering? This type of conversation about cancer and death is not helpful. It was my first conversation with a complete stranger who was not in the medical field. I'm sure she meant well. People are not mean by nature. When I did look up I saw the other customers and stylists staring at me. I am assuming they did not intend to get caught staring. It must have been their curiosity. Long story short, I survived my first haircut away from home and I did it on my own. One milestone accomplished, more to come.
3 comments:
Jen, Doug here. You should know that I think you are incredibly brave and shouldn't ever feel self-conscious about your hair. You have survived something very difficult by showing a tremendous amount of courage and strength and should wear your hair with pride. Think of it as a big sign that says, "Yeah, I beat you bitch!!!"
Love you both, hope you continue to feel better and we see you guys again soon.
Jen - you are so brave. You amaze me. And you are so honest. That amazes me, too. Thanks for letting us read about your life and support you in it. I love you. And I love your hair.
I re-read this entry and it still makes me sad. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm looking forward to my next haircut in Jan.
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