Dec 28th

It's the week in between Christmas and New Year's. I'm taking in all of the festivities from the comfort of my home. I completed Christmas dinner with minimal amount of effort. I baked two dishes, crescent rolls (because Christmas just isn't Christmas without them) and Fran's carrot casserole. The rest of the food came from Honey Baked Ham.

I enjoy opening gifts as much as the next person however I found this year held special meaning for me. I am alive. I understand that I am in fact not immortal. I think I'm starting to understand what it means to enjoy each day as a gift.

Physically I'm doing well. My good days out weigh the bad. My physical therapy has ended and my membership to the YMCA has started. At my next appointment I'll be letting my doctor know that I'm starting to confuse my words a little. It only happens when I'm tired. It's nothing big I just want to make sure it is not a problem.

January looks like it will be a full month. My 3rd follow-up MRI will happen. I will get my hair cut. I will work out at the YMCA and I will increase my interaction with people. 2009 will be a better year than 2008.

Dec 15th

My chemo is over for this month. WooWhoo!! One side effect that lasts a couple days is itchy skin. I could scratch my skin raw. Every piece of fabric that touches my skin irritates it. Wearing no clothing is not an option as it is freaking frigid outside. For now I will dutifully apply my massage oils and lotions, multiple times a day.

I still want to hibernate. I still have a to-do list a mile long. I am still looking forward to all of the positive things to come.

Dec 14

I woke up at 8 this morning made breakfast and then fell back to sleep. I didn't wake up until noon. I'm not sure what to think about this as I'm still tired. I really hope I don't nap anymore today.

I'm not handling this round of chemo as well as the last. This morning I woke up with what felt like a mini hang over. Headache, stomach ache, exhaustion. After I take the chemo, which is before bedtime I usually fall right to sleep. This round I've been feeling the poking tinglies. The annoying tingly's are inside my mouth, my face, neck, arms, legs, and feet. It isn't the kind of tingle you can rub out and feel better. This kind is from the inside and needs to run its course. T.v. will sometimes keep me distracted. After an hour or so the pain goes away and I will roll over to sleep. Homer's Voice "Mmm sleep." All I can think about right now is that I need to take another nap so that I can get after my chores. I have PT again today so chores may have to wait until the weekend.

Dec 9

The last few days have been busy. For me busy equals naps times sore muscles times a "to-do" list divided by a time change. Over the weekend we flew to CA. to visit Derek's family. Airplane travel when your healthy is exhausting. I want to say something clever about traveling when your not feeling 100%. Since my thoughts are coming out snarky insert your own funny quip. I carried the Christmas gifts bag since it was lighter. As a suggestion I reccomend that you not carry soap or beef sticks in wrapped packages. TSA has to open them to make sure it's soap and a beef stick. Right on! Presents that need to be re-wrapped.

If you were to ask me how I was doing today I would tell you I'm exhausted. I didn't want to get out of bed for a second day in a row. It could be the weather or it could be that I'm not fully rested. I visited my neuro oncologist and we had a standard visit. "Touch your nose. Say the months of the year backwards. Walk on your tip toes" I managed to not do so well on my blood draw. I accidentally pull the needle out and got blood all over the place. And! lucky for me she needed to poke me a third time to collect what was needed for the labs. I expect I'll have 2 weeks of bruises to hide.

I really didn't think that I would still be trying to recover from "Fred". It's been 9 months. I'm trying to figure out, How long I will be like this? Am I doing something wrong? Should I be improving more quickly? Should I be doing something different? How much is this going to cost?

My silver lining is that I know I'm stronger physically. I am able to enjoy funny stories, music, and the weather. I know I have family that loves me.